just because

Just Because
I am doing well we have finally reached the third trimester as far as the new little guy goes:)I am excited but a little weary about it to I want to enjoy this time with Josiah as much as is possible because I know come January everything will be much harder.I wont be able to take him on walks as easily anymore.Or just leave and go walk around the mall or whatever,everything will require twice the effort it does now.But I rest in the fact I know God has it all under control.
We finally picked him a name and its very fitting.We are not really sharing it untill his birth though.Let me explain why I feel it is fitting though.His name means Promise.Have you ever heard the term Rainbow baby?A rainbow baby is a baby born after a loss( miscarrige or still birth,sids ect) Well I guess I find his name so fitting cause god called his rainbow to noah his promise that he wouldnt flood the earth again in the same way he did for noah's great flood.
Josiah is 21 months old.He isnt really talking to much witch worries me a little,I know lots of people say boys talk later than girls but he is almost two.He has learned a new phrase,Tickle tickle.He dosent always know the context to use it in though:)
My husband has finally been cleared to go back to work he was off for nearly a month with his broken hand and while we loved having him home it also stressed me to think of the bills piling up.I almost wished I was back at work while he wa off to have some money coming in at least.But he does a good job of not stressing me about money I dont know if its cause it dosent worry him of just cause he dosent wanna worry me.
Broke out a christmas cd the other day!!!
I think I will hang decor this week I love this season!!and I think JOsiah will really enjoy the lights and decorations.I would love a trip right now to a lodge in the middle of nowhere where its snowing,maybe not yet but win one and go in a few weeks ahhhh bliss.Funny That sounds amazing and so does a beach vacation!Oh well I can dream right

oh hey check these out they are two contests from better homes and gardens to win money and I have entered every single day maybe I can win my vacation!!!


http://www.bhg.com/bhg/file.jsp?item=/contests/BHG_BlackFriday/bhg_splashsweeps_win15000_BlackFriday&temp=yes&ordersrc=rdbhg100285


http://www.bhg.com/bhg/file.jsp?item=/contests/BHG_Motherboard/bhg_win_splashsweeps_20000_JuneMotherboard&temp=yes&psrc=SS106BEO12

Merry christmas just a little early!!

nilmdts

So I discovered something amazing today,a organazation called now i lay me down to sleep.A group of volunteer photographers who volunteer there time and talents to photograph deceased newborns and their parents.I know you probaly think this sounds morbid.But I find it beautiful,the thought that these parents have beautiful images to remember such a precious small life that was so short.Something parents can tresure forever I was soo touched seeing this and knowing there are people out there with that compassion and that do something so great for hurting families.
they have a website it you would like to visit it it is nowilaymedowntosleep.org
I just wanted to share this because this touched me to read about.

5 year anniversary

We have officially been a family 5 years the husband and I.How exciting it is to think in 5 years how we have grown and how different things are now.Kids really change things dont they? I love my kids but Its funny how my perspective and priorities have changed just in a few years.How much I have grown up and really taken more responsibility on from the 21 years old I was when I got married.My husband on the other hand has always benn more mature I think it came from his living on his own for quite a few years before he meet me.I can almost not believe it has been that long since we got married it seems like just the other day!Happy anniversary to my husband and I hope for many more.Thanks to God for allowing me these years to really get to know a wonderful man!

If I die young

The Band Perry If I die Young
-----

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a gone
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh


The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM&ob=av2e)



-----------------------------------------------------------------
I was listening to this song and I kept thinking what a possibility,dying young that is.Young lives cut short by selfishness,greed,inpatience and so many other things including others selfishness and greed and inpatience.How sad.I also read a blog this morning called Bowensheart.com a story of a family who really is struggling to save their very short life of their beautiful baby son.I pray God gives this family strenth and heals this child quickly and brings him safely through these surgerys he needs to have.
Back to short lives.
If your life was suddenly cut short what would be said of you?Where would you go?questions that always try and erge my brain to crazy with thoughts,thoughts for myself and also for others people I care very deeply about.I dont want to see people I love lost for eternity no matter if they died young or old I want them to know the comfort of our Lord Jesus I want them to have the eagerness to save others and share a glorious eternity with a saviour who wants nothing more than for us than to join him in heaven one day.
So if my life gets cut short what will my son, my husband say.What legacy do I leave to this earth?What will people remember of me?I want to be remembered as someone who gave her all for "the cause of his cross" I want to be seen more for him than me I long to be successful in that:)God Make me more than you in my life no matter it's length,I need to be you with skin to a world who may or may not know who you are.I pray at the end of each day I can truley see where you have used me and worked through me each day.

"Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31
“be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Romans 8:29).

I cant take credit for what is written below but I found it encouraging and wanted to pass it along




To become more like Jesus, we must be willing to give up ourselves

I don't know about you, but I want to become more like Jesus.
As a single person, I've developed a lot of habits that aren't very positive. I can indulge my selfishness at home, but sometimes I wrongly let it influence my relationships with others.

I can eat whatever I like, even if it isn't good for me. Sometimes I watch TV programs that are a complete waste of time.

Those don't seem like major problems, but on reflection, they also don't seem like things Jesus would do. The Bible tells us that he enjoyed a good meal and conversation with all kinds of friends. He told people not to sin, but I don't get the impression that he was a killjoy when it came to innocent funOver the years, I've discovered an important truth:

never forgotten

911 NEVERFORGOTTEN


Hard to believe nine full years ago 9-11 terror attacks happened.I can remember waking up to my father and mother watching the tv as the first tower billowed smoke and the news reporter saying "its thought to be a small torrist plane that wanted to get a upclose and personal look at the trade centers" and I remember the gasps as that second plane came into veiw and it was known that something far more evil was in the works than a small plane that just accidently hit the tower.
How that one day has altered the events of our country the way we see things and the procedures we all must abide by to fly the friendly or sometimes not so friendly skies.Today is the anniversary and a day our country will remember for a long long time to come.Our prayers are with our country and also the familys that lost loved ones i n such a horrible was.Or honorable for the plane that crashed in Pa that day.
---------------------<---------------@ God is a god of healing and I believe he is still healing hearts so deeply affected that day.


We Will Never Forget 09/11/2001. Let us never forget those who perished on 9/11/2001. Thanks to each branch of the military for fighting for our FREEDOM and sacrificing their own lives for ours.

Today is my sisters birthday!but thats not what I remember about 1 year ago today well not the only thing.I remember taking a pregnancy test and finding out we were expecting baby number two.(baby 2 ended up in a miscarrige on Oct 19)I was thinking about it today and almost as soon as I started to I felt a small jab from number 3 almost as if God was reminding me This baby wouldnt be here today had that pregnancy not ended so horribly.I am sure it is all in Gods plan it was just a little surreal to think that one yr ago when I took that test I would have assumed I could fast foward to now and have a 3 month old baby now,instead of being 19 weeks pregnant again.I know God planned my life perfectly but it does make me a little sad because I am a mother of three and I have never meet one of them.however I dont dwell on this because I would have it no other way but his.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I was talking of things I knew nothing about,things far too wonderful for me Job 42:3

losing friends

How sad it is to grow close to someone and then abruptly sometimes without much notice the friendship ends and sometimes with no real answer as to why.I recently lost a friend who I considered a good friend.It hurt.Her words in the ending text messages ring in my ears some days was she justified in saying them?I have asked God to reveal to me if I am in fact a lousy friend who dosent care,I guess the jury is still out on that one havent recieved a clear answer on that one yet.Maybe thats a selfish prayer to pray but it really is a question I would love to know the answer to.Maybe one day I will know.How frusterating to share so much of your thoughts and dreams with a person of like interests and dreams only to be wrote off.I have many other friends but this however is still upsetting to me.I feel God is telling me spiritually it is for my own good that he has other things for me,but maybe I am not hearing him say this at all?
I pray God that you heal the wounds that still remain from all broken friendships and that you will reveal to me in future realations with others how I can truley put others before myself.Help me love,care and pray for these people who have hurt me so deeply.Help me to be Jesus with skin to a lost world and even to those who know you as I do,teach me to learn from my mistakes and to really be a servant of yours.


A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24

LUCKY

I am lucky because I have a wonderful man who loves me and a beautiful blue eyed curious son Josiah and one more baby on the way.I am lucky to be able to watch him each day instead of going to a job and being underappreciated.I am lucky to be able to sleep and play in a country so full of freedom(even if they want to take some of that away,different rant) to be able to sleep with a roof over my head with heat and water and all the luxeries that not every one in this world has.
My life is far from perfect but whos isnt and I have been greatly blessed by a God that loves me and calls me his own.
I daily dont give him the credit he deserves but I am trying to get better about that:)anyways I just wanted to share that I am lucky!

Sadness, hapiness and everything in between

So I still havent gotten up the courage to tell most of my family or our friends we are expecting again.(we are just shy of 15 weeks)Not that I think they wont be happy for us but in part because I feel slightly guilty.I know what Joss and I have gone through the last year this feels like somehow the perfect ending to it.Back in October we were 11 weeks pregnant and lost our baby with no apparent reason or warning it was the single most devistating and emotional time of my life so far.horrible to expierence the death of a child that way.But I have a friend who has been tring to conceive for almost the 5 years we have been married they have undergone so much on their journey to try and get a baby and have suffered emotional losses again and again over and over.How guilty I feel to be blessed with my 3rd pregnancy (Josiah,our angel,and now this one)in just two short years I admidt it hasnt been the ideal situation for us either I struggle with Pcos with can cause problems in pregnancy and in even getting pregnant,but with following diets and also taking medication and trying to live healthier I have been able to conceive on our own.I still feel guilty I wish badly she could have a child and I believe one day she will but I know seeing us live this season in our life has to be brutely painful.I am so sorry and I pray for her situation each day believeing GOd works miracles and that she is just waiting for her little miracle,however sometimes I think the waiting can be the worst.I am attaching a link to a small video at the bottom,I cried watching this video because everyword was as if it was spoken directly from her.God please bless this family,allow them to have the joy I am expieriencing and help me to be a friend and shoulder for her to cry on till you do .

jeremiah 29:11
I know the plans I have for you says the LOrd plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you a future and hope.


http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

What If????????????

What if you're right
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true

What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then

*But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told
And retold

'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong

What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if it's love

------------------------------
I must have listened to this song on repeat at least 5 times what a incredible thought.Especially for the secular world what if you choose to deny creation and a creator and spend a eterninty in complete seperation from God?
Something that has weighed heavily on my heart lately.I have been reading a book called One Heartbeat Away by Mark Cahill and this book is incredible at explaing in simple terms about evolution and its rival creation.It even goes as far as to quot famous scientists including Darwin who dosent even begin to fathem his own theroy on the big bang could be true.(I never knew that.)The book also discusses like this song what if you bet your entire life on their is no God and there really is where does that leave you.I got chills reading parts of this book the descibe people who have passed from this life into the other for seconds or minutes only to return either disappointed to be returning or relived to no longer be in the presence and amidts so much suffering.I pray one day my Little Josiah and baby ? will make the decision to follow Christ I long to see what a wonderful man of God he will be and also the man/woman of God this other child also will be.How exciting.!I also am slightly baffled I believe birth is probaly one of the most amazing things you can expierence and in some form everyone expirences it in life right.How much more incredible is creation and although we ALL expierence it so many people chose to not belive it ever happened.How sad.Such a amazing a beautiful thing God did and created and some people fail to give him credit.I for one think the veiw of a perfect sunset on a beach or a sunrise over snowy mountains almost echos the existance of such a awesome God that he has also given us free will to believe as we wish.Even if we chose to not believe in him and not to give him the praise and credit he truley deserves.

O LORD, how many are Your works! In wisdom You have made them all; the earth is full of Your possessions. There is the sea, great and broad, in which are swarms without number, animals both small and great. There the ships move along, and Leviathan, which You have formed to sport in it. They all wait for You to give them their food in due season. You give to them, they gather it up; You open Your hand, they are satisfied with good. You hide Your face, they are dismayed; You take away their spirit, they expire and return to their dust. You send forth Your Spirit, they are created; and You renew the face of the ground. Let the glory of the LORD endure forever; let the LORD be glad in His works; ... Psa 104:24-31.

How amazing a God I serve and how much more amazing the chance to serve him!I love you Lord!

teaching your children

Today has been a good day and a day of small tantrums for Josiah.To start with the good he slept well all night and he slept till like ten am today.Yay for me:)
He got up and we started our day well sid(his fave show) and breakfast the usual.As the day as wore on he seems slightly annoyed by my presence like I am keeping him from the most important things in life,Mom wont let me eat dirt or lick my fingers and play with light switches and plugs,she wont let me turn the tv on and off repeatedly his usual tantrums.But on to more exciting news he lately shows interest when others use the potty so mommy and daddy bought him one of his own,i know he is only 17 months spare me the lecture(not that u would give me one )the store clerk at Meijers already beat u to it he is too young boys dont potty train till they are almost 3 generally yadayada she told me it all believe me.I understand he is young and it wont happen overnight but if he is interested now I will cerantainly give it a shot especially since too soon we will have two children and I would love one of them to be diaper free:)Anyways HE did it his first potty in his potty I am so proud!makes me laugh that I feel this excited for his accoplishment but i do I feel as if it is just awesome!
Okay and a little more about the title of my blog,We have a neighbor on our street who has a young child who visits every so often and while she is very cute and generally very nice to Josiah today she is just pushing all his little buttons we went outside to play on the front porch with his chalk and lo and behold she is visiting.She wonders over and starts to color with Josiah too.Cute huh? well being the only child he is so far Josiah wants every color chalk she is using I tell him to share and usually he lets it go for a minute or so,anyways she procedes to throw his chalk thinking its funny to break the pieces he wants and then just leaves so I must deal with the tears.
Only to return a couple minutes later with a toy her family had loaned my son a few short nights ago that he loved,she tells him no little boy not to touch her toy.What?wait gets better yet.After taunting my 17 month old for about 10 miuntes (that felt as if a eternity)she goes back to the house and returns with a bike.Yes complete with big wheels and streamers and all, and rides it up and down our driveway all the while telling Me to make Josiah stop following her,Now I understand she is but 4 or so but That was all I could handle I turn to her and said he can follow you anywhere he wants this is his driveway.seriously how can i teach my son to share and be kind if others dont persistantly do the same,and make sure their children are well behaved I do understand its not always mom and dads fault but sometimes it is..any ways that is my rant I guess you can see why we are indoors again and I am venting to a computer as apposed to playing outtside on such a beautiful day God grant me patience today and help me to raise my children to be kind and poite and caring children.Please so some other mom does not get frusterated at my chilren someday down the road.

first day of July

I can't believe I have been out of the working world for a month.It is such a bizarre feeling to wake in the morning and no longer have to make the mad rush to dress myself and Josiah before running off to work.I love it more than my words can ever tell you and appreciate all the hard work Joss puts towards letting me stay home with Josiah! Josiah is growing so much so fast he has starting talking more his newest word is dog,well it comes out more like gog but we get the meaning when he says it and points to the black lab next door.
He is climbing too on sofas and beds and dressers and anything he can possible get himself up on top of, I guess this wil be our summer fun see what mommy can keep him off of.
He also has a new love sidewalk chalk this kid can spend hours coloring squiggles on the porch and sidewalk outside our house it is so cute.We have already been through 1 and a half packs in like 2 weeks. I am grateful for this though definatly a break from our favorite show sid the science kid,there is only so much of that show and the voices one grown up can handle.
Yesterday we visited mommys doctor for the first time,We are definatly having another baby:) today marks 9 weeks 5 days whitch means this baby is due on Josiahs 2nd birthday:)
funny huh?I was kinda unsure about wanting to go through all this again but the heartbeat and seeing the baby move around an wiggle one his/her own makes me pretty possitive this is what is supposed to happen for Joss and Josiah and Me right now.Children are such a blessing and I am going to try and not take this pregnancy for granted and at least try and slightly enjoy it,since i know God has truly blessed me and Joss with what some people try and pray for for years.
So Thank You God for My family for my wonderful cute husband and my beautiful Josiah and for this new life you have so graciously given to us!
May we never take for granted your love,life, salvation and all the many blessings you have given us,you are amazing and your deserve all the praise for all you do daily,I love you!

Okay so this is a kinda new topic for me I guess.But I have major cabin fever as I call it.I think being a stay at home mom makes one restless for vacation time.I think (everytime I see a commercial on tv or a picture around the house of us on a previous vacation.)man I need outta Toledo I need a vacation.Funny part is I wasnt half this annixious for vacation while working full time at the clinic.OH well one day soon right???just agree with me.
I started saving change and birthday money(my own)and the disney dollar I had around from 2007 and our last visit and started a vacation fund weather it be for disney world or for someplace else:)anyways I just wanted to share.
God bless and I hope you have a great day.

lingering cabin fever

I would love to know that the urge to be on vacation goes away the longer I stay at home with Josiah But somehow I am doubting that is the case.My siblings well three of the nine are visiting Va beach come next week and I am a little restless and would love to join them.I am acctually getting to travel to Pa this coming weekend we are going for two days to get my husband Joss's mother and bring her back for a week or so,then we are taking her to Frankenmuth MI to bronners giant christmas store.Would this calm the cabin fever in me?I guess slightly,But I long for a beautiful beach and sunshine and cool ocean water and waves:)Maybe some parisailing(never done before but would love to)and heck I will try snorkling and jet skiing too,after all its my imagination vacation.Oh lets make it even more fun lets do all this in Hawaii.
I am so greatful for the gift my husband has given me to stay home with Josiah I almost feel angry at myself for this cabin fever.I know it is pretty unattainable for now anyways.Maybe I will save and surprise him years in the future by taking him somewhere.
Oh I got him the best 5 year anniversary gift shutterfly sent me a coupon for a FREE photobook,all I had to do was pick picture and sayings if I wanted them and make a book.I only paid shipping that was slighlty more than I would've paid for a card but oh well much cooler!and since I still had a little of my own money left from when I was working I was pretty stoked.It turned out so pretty.
OTher Topic:
I am really struggling with Bible study right now I feel GOd has laid it on my heart I need too But I lack the knowledge of where I should start and I find it incredibly hard to understand most of it.And I dislike that that makes me uneager to do it at all.any ideas/tips on bible studying???I need to really motivate myself I bought a book at family christian store about 6 months ago called "the daily God book" by Erin keeley marshall.in Hope that would help with the study problem,and it did slighlty but somedays its hard to fit in bible studying and reading a excert from abook also..Just pray I can conquer this.

I will rebuild you.YOu will again be happy-Jeremiah 31:4

My new life!

I decided to start blogging since I have a little more time these days.mostly while my baby naps.

I am loving my life I recently quit my job as a receptionist at a busy clinic,to be a stay athome mom to my beautiful 16 month old Josiah Dean.He is the highlight of my life(well him and his daddy) and soon to be one more highlight! I love the new found freedom of not being tied down to a job I wish everyone could expierence their children this way I truley fell blessed to have been given this chance!

As we speak I am holding his as he naps I havent known the feeling to well since this child was 8 weeks old!!So precious and so sweet!

He likes having me home as well,He will come grab my finger and drag me over to his stroller to tell me it is time for a walk!He is able to play with his own toys at his own house and dosent have to be up at 6 something am everymorning to start the crazy commute that was our life.Anyways

I look foward to posting many stories about my Josiah and his many accomplishments over the next years!thanks for reading hope it wasnt a bore!